What did we do last night that was yellow?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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