How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
