My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize