how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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