I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
