I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
