He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
