theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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