So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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