Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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