Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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