Don't make out with my wife yet
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize