That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
