So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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