I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize