so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
