i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
