My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
