Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can text with my tongue
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
one might say we're banned from that church
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
