I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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