OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
