we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize