it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
