I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
