I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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