she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
