I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
