Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
