there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
