went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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