I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
