When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
