she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I believe in your delicious
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
