Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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