Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
