I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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