Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize