So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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