:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
