I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
