we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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