That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
