Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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