Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
