I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize