so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
