if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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