Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
