She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
