I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
