Do vagina's smell?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
