I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
