i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
