does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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