Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
