after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need to align my fucking chakras
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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