i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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