even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
