I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sext me about skeletons
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
