maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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