She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
