3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
