Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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