Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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