All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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