I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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